‘Your City Could Be Better’: Naked Neighbors, Unwelcome Pets, and Other City Life Dilemmas — Presented By City Cast Salt Lake

This is your city could be better because it could be. I'm David Floss. If you love your city and still complain about it, you're in the right place. Hey, CityCast listeners, it's Friday, August 7th, and we have an unconventional episode for you today. I am Citicast CEO David Plotz. I also host our national podcast, Your City Could Be Better. And we went out to our producers and to listeners across the Citicast network, including in your city, and asked them for their real life city living dilemmas, the challenges, the problems, the conundrums, if you will, they faced... in living in their city every day. And we're going to hash them out in real time right here on this podcast. And I have two great colleagues to do it with Citicast DC host Bridget Todd. Hello, David. I'm honored to be here. And Jane See Who, the host of CityCast, Seattle. We've got both hosts represented. Hello, Jane. Yes, hello, David. Yes, we've got a wide variety of perspectives, although two Washingtonians in the house here. Arguably, also a Washingtonian, just the other Washington. Good point. Good point. Fair point. Let's start with a question from Jensen and San Diego. This is a delicious question. Jensen asks, is there anything I can do about the person in a neighboring building who always keeps their curtains open? Leave their curtains open, maybe doesn't have curtains, and I see them in every state. Jensen, simply don't look. Jensen, why are you looking? Maybe Jensen's into it. No, I'm kidding. I think you got to say something, right? Like, I don't know because does the, I guess it really, you've got to put yourself in the shoes of the person with the open curtains. Do they know? Do they recognize? Maybe they don't care. Maybe they like it. worse they know. But I mean, their person lives in a building with a window. They've experienced a window before. They're not somebody who's like, I've never, I don't know what a window is. It must be mirrored on the outside. Well, I don't know. Sometimes it is hard to see into a building. Like, haven't you walked on the outside of a building and it basically is mirrored for whatever reason? Like, yes, but when you're in a building, when you in, I'm sitting inside my house right now. I'm looking out a window. I assume that the person who can. inside my window can look in at me. That's true. I guess I will assume. You always assume that someone can look at you. It's true. Yeah, you assume until proven otherwise. Or maybe you just assume all the time. I live above retail and there's a window where probably for the first couple of years I lived here. It's not that I didn't think anybody could look in. It's just that it's kind of a hidden window and I didn't think anybody would. It's, you know, from the street, it's, you know, you have to really be like intentionally looking up to see it. And there was one day where I had ordered pizza and The pizza guy stood on the sidewalk and waved. And I thought, oh, my God, actually, people can't see up here. Wait, so how would you even notify this person theoretically? If they live in a neighboring building, like, do you leave them a passive? There was a friend's episode. Oh, really? A whole entirely about this. You have to like count the windows and go into the. But then, even then, it's like, what do you do? Do you leave them a passive aggressive note? Like, hey, I can see you? Like, that feels just creepy then.

I don't think you'd tell them at all. It's absolutely the theater of urban life. Yes. You live in an apartment building. This person lives in an apartment building. You're obviously like people who are accustomed to living in close quarters. And there's a certain theatrical quality of living in any city. You're performing for others. And this is a person who wants to perform. This is a person who like wants to be seen. And if you don't want to see them naked, you don't look. Put your curtains up. David, I do think your answer about put up curtains or stop looking at the window. I think in cities, whenever I have a dilemma that involves people that I'm in close quarters with or sharing space with, I always wonder, is there something I can do to change my behavior to fix this problem before I reach out? Oftentimes the answer is yes. Bingo. That's that savvy Todd wisdom we've all been looking for. Toddism. Okay. Angie and Salt Lake City. Angie asks, am I in the right for asking walkers to get out of bike lanes? So if a pedestrian is in a bike path, can I just tell them to get on pedestrian sidewalk? As a cyclist who rides around D.C. quite a bit, I'm going to say, yes, I'm also going to say, I think that you should. You're sort of doing a civic duty. You're reminding that person that they're in a city, that they're walking in places where they could be putting themselves at risk. Yeah, I think it really depends on the person and what they're doing. Like, I will say as I run and I also ride my bike a lot. If you're going to run in the bike lane, I kind of understand the argument for it. You know, it's it's an unobstructed stretch of pavement where you're not going to run into people dawdling on the sidewalk. But like you got to be running fast. Like I do think it becomes a safety thing because if you're meandering in that bike lane and there's traffic going both ways around you, bike traffic, then I think it could put you in danger. Running in a bike lane seems crazy to me that would never even occur to me to do that. It's such a thing in Seattle, unfortunately, especially the ones that are close to a popular park. So it's something I feel like I see on a daily basis. I think our producer is actually sending. angry notes in the document already. And she's pointing out, like, what about the flip side? That the real problem in cities, you could argue, is not, oh, there's so many walkers in bike lanes. It's there's so many bikes in walking lanes. There's so many bikes on sidewalks. And that, you know, that's a topic that we've discussed on your city could be better before. But it is. I think most people who are, most pedestrians feel that it is their right on a sidewalk to chastise or at least, you know, alert a cyclist, hey, don't do that or be careful. And I think they're right to do that. And the same way, I guess I feel that I think it's right to sort of at least alert a pedestrian, hey, you know, maybe this is the safest place. I think the big brain thing here is.

Try and do something in your city or make movement towards having more space for cyclists and pedestrians. I think that is the root of the problem, is that we are all occupying the same very small space. Well, we have these enormous roads for cars, and it seems like the demand is there if everyone is crowding the small space. I completely agree. And I would take it further. I would say if you are riding on a sidewalk and there is an unobstructed bike lane. available to you, you're making all the cyclists look bad. I think there's no regard for that. That happens all the time in D.C. on the street where I live. There are massive bike lanes going both direction, and people still choose to bike on the sidewalk, and it burns me up. I have to hold my tongue to not say anything. Oftentimes, it's a youth, and I'm like, oh, I don't want to risk, like, getting jumped by a bunch of teens on the street or something. But I have to hold my tongue to not say anything sometimes. Okay. Another apartment building question comes from Kevin in D.C. This one is a, this one is a doozy.

Kevin and DC asks, should emotional support animals be verified slash regulated in order to live in multi-unit buildings? There are dozens of buildings that welcome dogs, but mine doesn't, which is common in older buildings that have thin walls and no sound insulation. Yet we're overrun with dogs. Dogs that are untrained, urinate and defecate, blah, blah, blah, all substantiated by obviously fake doctors from the internet. So. should people not be allowed to have their emotional support dogs in a building that does not allow dogs? Do you have a strong opinion about this, Bridget? Because I'm of two minds about this. Oh, I can't wait to hear what you think. I do have a strong, emphatic opinion about this. I think yes. I think people, if there's not some sort of system or clear, you know, regulating body, people will just buy. I know people who have bought fake vests on Amazon so that their dog can travel for a discount or for free. Those people are ruining the system for people who actually need a service animal. You know, not cool. And I think it makes me unhappy that those scofflaws are making it so that this kind of, there needs to be some sort of a process in place. That's what I say. All right, Bridget, as a, I'll say that I am a reformed scofflaw. So the year. Oh, here we go. The year was, the year was, yes, confession. Taxi cab confessions here we go. I'm getting real with you guys. In 2011, I was living in Berkeley, California. And I had a friend who knew a psychologist whose whole thing was like, I think dog should be allowed to go anywhere. And she would write anybody an emotional support animal letter. And I happened to be getting married on the opposite coast. And I accepted her offer of her writing me a letter. And I flew with my dog as an emotional support animal. And I feel like in the couple of years after that, that loophole really got blown up. And I felt immense guilt about it and just stopped using it and was like, I am ruining the system for people who actually need an emotional support animal. I can't do this anymore. So yes, I do feel like a system that relies on an individual to have honor, though, is fundamentally kind of a broken system. But on the other hand, I don't think that anyone's health data is the landlord's business. I fear that forcing people to show proof of whatever underlying health thing that gives them the right to have an ESA is opening a door to policing disability in a way that I don't feel comfortable with. So that is my dilemma in saying yes versus no. I think that's a fair point.

Thank you for coming clean about your past with this. I will say, I think if you're doing it for a one-time discount, I can maybe get behind that. If you're not trying to, you know. Bring your... People don't bring your dog into the grocery store. That's why one thing about a city. Please do not do it. I love dogs, and we've gotten so loosey-goosey about dogs everywhere, including grocery stores. I mean, dogs and grocery stores is a real no-no for me. I live in a household where the dog rules. The dog controls all action. Yes. But I am struggling. to try to reconcile your keen analysis, which is that it is, you're right. Of course, landlords should not be getting into their tenants' health records. Of course they shouldn't. But at the same time, if you have a rule, how do you enforce that rule? Because there are people in that building who... the building that bans dogs who may live there because they're like, I can't, I have a morbid fear of dogs or I'm incredibly allergic to dogs and even being exposed to dog hair on the regular is going to endanger my health. And so the landlord has put up this set of principles around it. And so how is it that this can be reconciled? Landlords could lobby to change the ESA rules, but that is definitely the long game. I mean, I don't even know what ESA is. ESA is not a legal regime. ESA seems to me to be something that is preposterous. I think there should be, for sure, they're dogs, like a guide dog for someone with, who's visually impaired, goes through some kind of elaborate training process, and that is a, that guide dog is allowed everywhere and should be allowed everywhere because, of course, this is something that person. lives with. But the idea of emotional support animal in general just seems to me to be a kind of fake category that was invented to give solace to people. And I, like, I understand why people want to be around animals. I 100% get it. But I also think there has to be some kind of distinction between a dog, which is an animal that is essential to someone's functioning in daily life versus a dog that. is like makes me feel a little bit better. Kevin, we did not answer your question. Good luck out there, Kevin. Okay, here's another apartment question. There's so many apartment questions. That's what happens when people live in apartments as they have questions from Sherrod in D.C. Could I hold the door for people coming into my apartment building behind me? If you live in a building without a front desk or any security, do you hold the door open for stragglers following you in? Is it better to be neighborly to that person walking behind you or neighborly towards your actual confirmed neighbors who might not want to let a stranger in their building? No, don't do it.

Don't do what? Don't hold open the door. Or if you really feel moved to, I would say have the smallest amount of small talk where you're like, do you live here? Like, I feel like you can kind of get a vibe for what is happening if you can talk to this person and decide whether or not you want to hold the door open for them. But yes, it's tough to be that cold, but I do feel like when you're living in a city. Sometimes that is still the right thing to do and that anyone else living in that building will understand why you did that. Oh, see, I feel like the small talk might make it worse. If I was a straggler in my own building and someone was like, excuse me, do you live here? I feel like that opens up a can of worms to like, next thing you know, someone's got a camera in your face. And it's like, she thinks I don't live here. And it's like a whole thing. Oh. I feel like if you know the person and you can, like I've seen them around totally fine, if not. No. And I actually have a way that I get into my building where I open the door just so and I just kind of slip in real quick. So it doesn't even really come up. You know, like come up with a way to get into your building where, you know, you're not even really putting yourself at risk for having to have that encounter. You need to swing that door all the way open. Yeah. I just slip in there. I just inch it open and get in real quick. Yeah, I think the answer obviously has to be you don't let them in. But I think the way in which you don't let them in is kind of the question, which is the way you don't let them in by saying, I don't know you, you can't come in. Is it by doing a Bridget slink? I think it's the slink and then like if necessary, the turn around and then sheepish, like, sorry. Like I recognize you as a person, but like we both know what's happening right now. Like if you know how to get in here, then you know how to get in here. I will say the one exception might be if someone is carrying a lot of stuff. You're like, why would you be carrying a lot of stuff in? That was Ted Bundy's move. Oh, no. Wasn't it? Wasn't it? He would be like, I have a cast and I'm carrying a bunch of packages. Someone help. Oh, no. Okay. Well, the nice Southerner in me is really just going to get axed. It seems like. That was the person who's doing a lot of true crime. Yes. I know all the tricks. All right. Don't listen to me then. Listen to Bridget. Don't let Ted Bundy in even if he's carrying a bunch of stuff. Oh my God. It's amazing. We're getting towards the end of the questions I want to ask. So let's do Andy in Indianapolis.

Is it too much to ask for neighbors to give each other a heads up when they're having people over? We live in a duplex with shared entrances and driveway and super thin walls. We always tell our neighbor ahead of time when we're having people over so we can know that it might be a little louder. There might be more street spots taken up. And we even tell him when we'll be away in case he needs an extra parking spot. He never does the same for us. There are not a weird way to ask for that. Or is it wishful thinking that he might try to anticipate our needs and living experience. Oh, Andy, you can't control other people. It's a nice thing to give your neighbor a heads up. I was going to say, like, do one better and invite them over. Maybe that would solve the problem. I don't know. But sometimes your neighbors just aren't that thoughtful. Yeah, reading this question actually challenged me because I have a lot of people over. I entertain fairly regularly. And... I used to have a group chat of my neighbors and the people in my building, but the neighbors have turned over kind of a lot. So we have not updated the new, you know, for our new neighbors. And I'm wondering, like, is this person actually my neighbor? And they're wondering why I have never said, hey, we're having a party. But I do think it, it. It is a thoughtful gesture, and it kind of tells me what kind of neighbor the advice asker is that they always are that thoughtful. And it will be nice if everybody was that thoughtful. But, yeah, Jane, you can't control how thoughtful other people are, whether other people are considerate or not. That's a fool. That is crazy making for sure in a city. Is it also one of these things where, you know, if it's between 9 a.m. and 9 p.m. and it's you know less than four people It's just like, yeah, whatever. That's just going to happen. Like you're going to have people over, whatever, we're going to sit around, we're going to watch some TV. But the only time you owe, you should notify, but it's only sort of when it's outside of the normal bounds of civilized behavior, when it's going to be at 6 a.m. I think it's ridiculous to notify every time someone is coming over. That just seems absurd. But I understand when there are exceptional circumstances that you should be notified. If you're going to be making a significant amount of noise, if people can tell that you have a bunch of people over, I think that's when you need to let people know. Inviting your clog dancing team over early in the morning. Please know. I think the idea of the neighbor group chat is a really good one. I think as a positive act, you should try to think, like, can we create a street, a block group chat or a neighborhood group chat? That seems like in the spirit of what you said earlier, when you can think of the positive action you can do to improve it. You should do that.

Oh, yeah, neighborhood group chat is clutch because you can't control what happens in your city, but you're kind of in control over what happens in your building and your block and amongst your neighbors. Oh, I've got one with my neighbors, and it came in really handy. There was one night at like midnight that there were a bunch of people prowling around in my yard. And I was like, are these cops? Are they not? And I texted my neighbors and was like, do you guys know what's going on? And it turns out there was some like police hunt. or chase on our block. And it was really nice having the information because I don't know where else I would have gotten this like hyper local block specific info, but with our combined knowledge, we kind of piece together what was going on. Okay, we'll do one more question, just a car question. John in Portland asks, when it's legal to park all the way up to the curb, should you? In Portland, you can generally park a car all the way up to the corner, which can make it harder for drivers, walkers, and people on bikes to see each other. We recently saw a neighbor get a note on their car, presumably for that offense. So who is right? The person who maximizes parking space is available or the person who's angry about it. Okay, I feel like a broken record, but this feels like a systemic problem. Because the same thing happens in Seattle. The visibility is so bad. I have long said that if I ever ran for public office, which I will not, my platform would be no parking on arterials. And I would not win because I feel like everyone loves parking on arterials. But I think this is one of the things that should be regulated by the city. And there are some parts of town where... It's called daylighting. They really are trying to daylight the street so that you can see pedestrians or bikes or even just other cars as they're coming out of the intersection and they can see better. But I mean, I think as long as it's legal, you know, like you can't really do much about it. I guess leaving a note to explain your position if it's argued well and I think argued respectfully might help educate someone about why it's not a great idea. But ultimately, it just feels like a systemic issue. But why is leaving a note for that person help when you writing a note to your city council member might help? There you go. I mean, you could do both. Leaving a note for that person just seems to be punishing this person who is just obeying the law as it is written. True. I think you're right. It's like use that energy somewhere else that it might be more effective. Yeah, if I'm parked completely legally, per the law in my city and somebody is leaving me a note on my car about the way that I'm parked, that's a problem. I, yeah, I once caught somebody red-handed leaving a note on my car that said, learned to park in the Trader Joe's parking lot, caught him red-handed. Wow. You know, I'm mad you have to be at somebody to like... Leave a note on their car. I mean, where did you even find the paper and the pen? You know, like that. You got to be so heated to go to your car and find pen and paper. What had you done? I was parked crazy. Like I was not parked appropriately. So this is a little bit of a different situation. But if you're parked within the legal bounds, don't leave a note on somebody's car. Yeah, right to your city council person. The, yeah, I mean, I think about that a lot, like, you know.

Like, is this an appropriate place to park? Will people have visibility? But I don't think, I absolutely don't think that you have any right as a citizen to police someone else's fully legal parking behavior. I don't even think you have a right as a citizen to police someone's fully illegal parking behavior for the most part. That is not your job. I don't think vigilante parking enforcement is really that helpful. Yeah. I mean, I think this for me brings up the bigger issue that I feel like we're talking around in this episode, which is that when you live in a city, there are going to be all sorts of tiny annoyances. And it's a real decision what you do with that annoyance. You could choose to blow it up. and continue to be angry about it and confront people. Or you could think about how to make it better. Or you can just let it go. There are all sorts of options that you have here. And I feel like really the only thing that changes here is how much you are enjoying your own life. That is so beautifully said, Jane, and I was just thinking as you were talking. So I host this podcast, and weekly we talk about things that your city could be better. One of the things I love about this podcast is, Often we bring on somebody who lives in a city and their response to something that is fucked up about their city is just to make it a little bit better themselves. So these people who fill in potholes themselves or who build benches, bus stop benches. And you could say, well, you should be angry at the city for not building the bus stop bench. And yes, you should. And you should be angry at the city for not filling the pothole. But there's something just wonderful about people who are like, well, yes, the society, government, the institutions are failing. But I have, I have. power. I have autonomy. I can act and change things a little bit myself. And I think that is a, that's beautiful when people do that in a positive, generative, kindly way. This was so much fun. I would do this episode every week. If you have urban dilemmas and you know you do, email them to us at Your City Could Be Better at Citicast.fm. Your City could be better at Citicast.fm. And we will do urban dilemmas as part of future episodes because it is clearly a topic that is meant to be. Bridget Todd, host of CityCast DC, Jane Coo, host of CityCast, Seattle. Thank you for coming on Your CityCast. Could Be Better. Listen to them every weekday on CityCast DC and CityCast Seattle, respectively. I'll do this anytime, David. Thanks for having me. I've always wanted to be an advice columnist, so you just made my dream come true with this episode. That is all for today's episode, If Your City Could Be Better. I'm your host, David Plotz. Our producers are Ariabrachi, Priy, Pryonka Tilvey, Bridget Todd, Jill Pellateri, Jane Coo, Who, and Ashley Smith, our music is by Carl Christensen. And if you're enjoying the show, which you definitely did this week, tell your friends, rate the show, leave us a review wherever you get your podcast. We'll be back next week with another conversation about how your city could be better.

Bye-bye.